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66 Halloween Jokes

Print 66 Halloween Jokes
  1. Farts are ghosts of things we eat!
  2. Why did the ghost have to leave the halloween party?
  3. What's a ghosts favorite food?
  4. Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
  5. Why do mathematicians always confuse Halloween and Christmas?
  6. A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later he received a parcel with the following note: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a pirate outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate. Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co. The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part. Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co. Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint. The next day he gets a small parcel and a note, which reads: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple. Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.
  7. One Halloween a man was walking down the street and heard a thumping noise behind him. Looking behind him he saw a coffin following him, upright. He was a bit nervous and began walking a little bit faster. The coffin continued, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump". He began running and the coffin kept up and began opening and closing, ""thumpety thump, thumpety thump clap, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump clap". Terrified he ran to his front door, and went inside, slamming the door and locking it. The coffin continued, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump - CRASH" it came right through the door, He ran up the stairs, and right behind him, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump clap, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump clap". He rushed into the bathroom and slammed the door, but the coffin broke through the door - "thumpety thump, thumpety thump crash". Terrified the man grabbed the first thing he could, a bottle of Robitussin and threw it - and the coffin stopped!
  8. One Halloween, a boy dressed up as a cowboy. He went to a house, and an elderly lady opened the door. She said, "What might you be?" and the kid in front of the boy said, "I'm an Indian! All day, I hunt buffalo and make teepees and wigwams!" and the lady gave him some candy. Then the boy was up in line. The elderly lady said, "What might you be?" and he replied, "I'm a cowboy! All-day, I round up cattle and take them to corrals!" The lady gave him some candy. So he went to the next house, and a scorching hot teenage girl opened the door. She said, "What might you be?" and the girl in front of the boy said, "I'm a lesbian. All-day I think of women, all afternoon I think of women, and all night I think of women." The teenage girl gave her some candy, and next the boy was up. The teenage girl said, "What might you be?" The boy looked her up and down, and said, "Well, I thought I was a cowboy!"
  9. What kind of costumes do brunette girls wear on Halloween?
  10. What did the pig dress up as for Halloween?
  11. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
  12. How do you fix a damaged Jack-O-Lantern?
  13. Why are all mummies workaholics?
  14. What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
  15. Why did the headless horseman start his own business?
  16. How much does a skeleton weigh?
  17. What is a mummy’s favorite type of music?
  18. Why don’t zombies care about looks?
  19. Why is Dracula so easy to trick on Halloween?
  20. When you teach a wolf to meditate he becomes aware wolf!
  21. What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
  22. If two witches watched two watches, which witch would watch which watch?
  23. The wicked witch from the south watches the watch that’s turning anti-clockwise, so now everyone knows now which witch watches what watch.
  24. What's a ghosts favorite dessert?
  25. What did the skeleton say to the dog?
  26. What did the ghost say to his wife?
  27. Why don't mummies take time off?
  28. What do you get if you cross a ghost with a sailor?
  29. Why are ghosts bad liars?
  30. What's on the lunch menu at Monster School?
  31. How do monsters like there eggs cooked?
  32. Why did the illiterate witch get kicked out of the coven?
  33. Where do ghost's go on vacation?
  34. What do skeletons travel around in?
  35. Why are graveyards so noisy?
  36. What do demons eat for breakfast?
  37. Why are skeletons so calm?
  38. Why do vampires need mouthwash?
  39. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
  40. What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
  41. Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to school?
  42. Why are ghosts terrible liars?
  43. When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
  44. What dog breed would Dracula love to have as a pet?
  45. What would be the national holiday for a nation of vampires?
  46. What does a ghost call his mom and dad?
  47. What do you call a witch that lives at the beach?
  48. Where do ghosts like to travel on vacation?
  49. What makes trick or treating with twin witches so challenging?
  50. What do witches put on to go trick or treating?
  51. Why didn't the skeleton go to see a scary movie?
  52. What's a monster's favorite play?
  53. What's a witch's favorite subject in school?
  54. What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
  55. What happens when you stay up all night on Halloween?
  56. What room do ghost avoid?
  57. What Do You Get If You Cross Bambi With A Ghost?
  58. Why didn't the zombie like his new house?
  59. What did the Jack-O-Lantern say to the pumpkin?
  60. What do you call a gang of ghosts?
  61. What’s another term for a will?
  62. Where is a ghosts favorite place to live?
  63. Why didn't the ghost eat his candy?
  64. What can you find in a ghost's nose?
  65. What position does a ghost play on his hockey team?
  66. What's a skeleton's favorite thing to order at a restaruant?
  67. For Halloween I dressed up as a screwdriver... I turned a few heads .
  68. What kind of key opens a haunted house?

Answers: 66 Halloween Jokes Set

  2. He couldn't handle his boo's!
  3. Boo-Berries!
  4. Dayscare centers.
  5. Because 31/8(oct) and 25/10 (dec): 31 in base 8 = 25 in base 10, 25=8*3 + 1, 25= 10*2 + 5.
  9. They just stand on their heads and go as dirty mops.
  10. Frankenswine!
  11. Frostbite!
  12. You use a pumpkin patch.
  13. They're afraid to unwind!
  14. Squash!
  15. To get ahead in life.
  16. A skeleTON!
  17. Wrap!
  18. They only love you for your brains.
  19. Because he’s a sucker.
  21. Pumpkin π.
  24. Ice Cream!
  25. Bone-Appetite!
  26. You are very boo-tiful!
  27. They're afraid to unwind.
  28. A sea-ghoul!
  29. You can see right through them.
  30. Human beans, boiled legs, pickled bunions and eyes cream!
  31. Terri-fried!
  32. She couldn't spell!
  33. The Boo-hamas!
  34. A skele-copter!
  35. Because of all the coffin-s!
  36. Deviled eggs!
  37. Because, nothing gets under their skin.
  38. Because they have bat breath!
  39. Because demons are a ghouls best friend!
  40. A pain in the neck!
  41. Because his heart wasn't in it!
  42. Because, you can see right through them!
  43. When you are a mouse!
  44. A blood hound!
  45. Fangs-giving!
  46. His transparents!
  47. A sand-witch!
  48. The Dead Sea!
  49. You never know which witch is which!
  50. Mas-scare-a!
  51. He didn't have the guts!
  52. Romeo and Ghouliet!
  53. Spelling!
  54. He is mist!
  55. Something dawns on you!
  56. The Living Room
  57. Bam-Boo!
  58. Because, there was no living room!
  59. Cut it out!
  60. A haunterauge!
  61. A dead giveaway!
  62. On a dead end!
  63. He didn't have the stomach for it!
  64. Boo-gers!
  65. Ghoulie!
  66. Spare-ribs!
  68. A spook-key!
  2. He couldn't handle his boo's!
  3. Boo-Berries!
  4. Dayscare centers.
  5. Because 31/8(oct) and 25/10 (dec): 31 in base 8 = 25 in base 10, 25=8*3 + 1, 25= 10*2 + 5.
  9. They just stand on their heads and go as dirty mops.
  10. Frankenswine!
  11. Frostbite!
  12. You use a pumpkin patch.
  13. They're afraid to unwind!
  14. Squash!
  15. To get ahead in life.
  16. A skeleTON!
  17. Wrap!
  18. They only love you for your brains.
  19. Because he’s a sucker.
  21. Pumpkin π.
  24. Ice Cream!
  25. Bone-Appetite!
  26. You are very boo-tiful!
  27. They're afraid to unwind.
  28. A sea-ghoul!
  29. You can see right through them.
  30. Human beans, boiled legs, pickled bunions and eyes cream!
  31. Terri-fried!
  32. She couldn't spell!
  33. The Boo-hamas!
  34. A skele-copter!
  35. Because of all the coffin-s!
  36. Deviled eggs!
  37. Because, nothing gets under their skin.
  38. Because they have bat breath!
  39. Because demons are a ghouls best friend!
  40. A pain in the neck!
  41. Because his heart wasn't in it!
  42. Because, you can see right through them!
  43. When you are a mouse!
  44. A blood hound!
  45. Fangs-giving!
  46. His transparents!
  47. A sand-witch!
  48. The Dead Sea!
  49. You never know which witch is which!
  50. Mas-scare-a!
  51. He didn't have the guts!
  52. Romeo and Ghouliet!
  53. Spelling!
  54. He is mist!
  55. Something dawns on you!
  56. The Living Room
  57. Bam-Boo!
  58. Because, there was no living room!
  59. Cut it out!
  60. A haunterauge!
  61. A dead giveaway!
  62. On a dead end!
  63. He didn't have the stomach for it!
  64. Boo-gers!
  65. Ghoulie!
  66. Spare-ribs!
  68. A spook-key!