171 KID JOKES

Question 1

Advice From Kids

1. Never trust a dog to watch your food. 2. When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him. 3. Never tell your mom her diet's not working. 4. Stay away from prunes. 5. Never pee on an electric fence. 6. Don't squat with your spurs on. 7. Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to. 8. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair. 9. Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment. 10. Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time. 11. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. 12. Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick. 13. Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat. 14. When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone. 15. Never try to baptize a cat.

Question 2

Nose Pickers

My mum told me that picking my nose was disgusting, and from now on, I had to pick it myself.

Question 3

Mother's Day Joke

Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen, she lay in eager anticipation of the lovely breakfast her helpful, caring children were making for her. However, after a good long wait, she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs. "As a surprise for Mother's Day," one explained, "we decided to cook our own breakfast."

Question 4

Animal Wig Joke

What kind of animal needs to wear a wig?

Question 5

Woods And Running

How far can you run in the woods?

Question 6

Chimney

What did the big chimney say to the small one?

Question 7

Batman And Robin

What did Batman say to Robin before getting in the Batmobile?

Question 8

God Is Watching

In the cafeteria of a Catholic school, the children were lined up for lunch. At the head of the line was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note and she had placed it in front of the apples. The note read: "Take only one, God is watching." Further down the cafeteria line was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies... One of the boys had written a note of his own. The note he placed in front of the cookies read: "Take all you want, God is watching the apples."

Question 9

Mummy, Mummy

Mummy, mummy. There's a man at the door with a bill.

Punch Line

VOTE

Question 10

How Much Does A Pirate Pay For Corn Joke

How much does a pirate pay for corn?

Question 11

Hamster City Joke

What do you call a city where hamsters live?

Question 12

Fish Wearing Bowtie Joke

What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?

Question 13

Pirate Singers Joke

Why are pirates great singers?

Question 14

Riddle

What can you catch but not throw?

Question 15

Peek-a-boo Joke

Where do you take someone when they've been in a peek-a-boo accident?

Question 16

Danger!

You are in a car travelling at a constant speed. On your left is a valley, and on your right is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car, and you can't overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter, flying at ground level; both are travelling at the same speed as you. What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Question 17

Potato Day Joke

What day of the week does a potato hate the most?

Question 18

Talking Plate Joke

What did one plate say to the other plate?

Question 19

What Do You Call A Cat That Sucks Lemons?

What do you call a cat that sucks lemons?

Question 20

Eat Homework Joke

Why did the student eat his homework?

171 KID JOKES

Kid Jokes

Advice From Kids

Nose Pickers

Mother's Day Joke

Animal Wig Joke

Woods And Running

Chimney

Batman And Robin

God Is Watching

Mummy, Mummy

How Much Does A Pirate Pay For Corn Joke

Hamster City Joke

Fish Wearing Bowtie Joke

Pirate Singers Joke

Riddle

Peek-a-boo Joke

Danger!

Potato Day Joke

Talking Plate Joke

What Do You Call A Cat That Sucks Lemons?

Eat Homework Joke

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